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failure and rain and karma in the end

it rained on and off today. humid and humid’er. gloomy days make for gloomy thoughts. thoughts about failure and success and what each one means.

i photographed a football game tonight and shot 290 frames in one half of action. one will run in print and six others will be up on my newspaper’s website. so seven frames out of nearly 300 will be seen. does that mean i failed 283 times?

but, if i were to have pulled one single good frame from that 290 is that a success? it’s all subjective any way you look at, but i think as photographers and journalists we know when we fail at one or the other or both.

try too hard and you begin to force compositions and come away with awkward frames. i’m not saying working hard won’t pay off, but it has to come organically and it cannot be forced. however, on the flipside if you settle for what’s expected and come away with something decent you fail. you fail because the drive and motivation is not there. i’m not in this state of mind.

i’m in a more difficult state of mind. i’m trying hard, but forcing things. light and composition, my two favorite elements in pictures, are no longer there. i’m forcing something that i can’t describe. something that is the monkey on my back.

karma bit me tonight. after work i went over to the hollywood video store and rented some flicks (in case you’re curious they are roman holiday (audrey hepburn) and bottle rocket (luke and owen wilson). backstory—-i’ve been eating very healthy lately. so i give in and buy some chocolate covered cookie dough bites. i cracked them open on the way home craving chocolate like a drunkard needing his medicine. i finished the whole box before i got home and bit my lip: karma.

well, we all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun (from john lennon’s song “instant karma.”

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